fear of flying
by ThePranksterQueens
Summary: In which Naruto gets his hands on a book and Sasuke is diagnosed with Chromophobia. Oh dear. Some Sasuke/Sakura, a little crack. For Missa and Sydney.


Author Note: To Sydney and Missa, who are always there when I need them, whether it's for beta-ing or ranting. love you guys! (Also, all phobias used are reall psychological problems and are called by their medically correct names).

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Summary: In which Naruto gets his hands on a book and Sasuke is diagnosed with Chromophobia. Oh dear.

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Nobody really knew how or why Naruto had a book on phobias. Or why he was so interested in it. (The only he thing he had read in years was probably the instructions on instant ramen).

"Hey, Shikamaru, did you know there's something called _Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia_ and it's the fear of the number 666?"

Shikamaru's lack of response had more to do with shock that the clueless blond could pronounce _Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia _than disbelief over the irrational fear. Naruto, however, seemed to think it was the latter rather than the former.

"Isn't that weird? I mean, what if you saw six-six-six? Would you start like, seizing? How do you get a fear like that anyway? I wonder if I can-"

The shadow-user cut off his blabbering by subtly suggesting that Naruto go talk to someone else about his, uh, scintillating topic of phobias.

"Hey, Naruto, I bet Sakura and Sasuke are interested in this stuff…"

"Nah," he easily replied. "I don't think so."

Oh, right. This was Naruto, and subtle was definitely not going to work.

"No, really, I remember Sakura telling me she was interested in learning more about getting over her fear of, um…long words."

Naruto nodded wisely. "_Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia_. How sad."

"Right, Hippo-whatever. And I bet you could get Sasuke to reveal what he's afraid of…"

"HELL YEAH!It's probably something stupid, like_ Lutraphobia_. Sasuke-bastard is going _down_!" Naruto yelled, running top speed down the street, carrying the huge book with him.

"Fear of otters?" Shikamaru said to himself, shaking his head.

* * *

"Hey, Sakura-chan, I didn't know you had _Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia_! Why didn't you—OHMYGOD MY EYES! THEY BLEED!"

Sakura and Sasuke quickly disentangled themselves from each other, quickly looking anywhere but each other.

"_What_, dead-last?"

"So, I was reading-"

_Gasp._

"Naruto, are you okay? Are you running a fever?"

He ignored her. "-this book on phobias, and after talking to Shikamaru, I think we need to have a serious talk."

Two sets of eyes looked blankly at him. "About what?"

"Your serious psychological problems!" he proclaimed.

"Did Naruto just say a word that had more than two syllables?" Sakura whispered to Sasuke.

"Aa."

"Oh, my god."

"Moving _on_," Naruto said impatiently, turning to Sakura. "Why didn't you tell me about your_ Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia_? And I think you have -according to the book- _Merinthophobia_, _Odynophobia_, and probably _Phagophobia_ too!"

"What are you _talking_ about? I don't even know what those things are, let alone if I'm afraid of them!"

"Fear of long words, fear of being tied up, fear of pain, and fear of being eaten!" her teammate answered her dramatically. "Why didn't you tell me, Sakura-chan?! We could have conquered your fears!"

"Naruto, do you know _anyone_ who isn't afraid of being in pain or being eaten?"

"Ah, well, no, but-"

"Exactly. As for fear of long words, I'd say that one would be more aptly directed toward _you_." Sakura said, giving a very Sasuke-like smirk toward the end.

Giving up on reasoning with his beloved teammate (he had tried to save her, but _no_, she was going be all_ smart_ and _Sasuke-ish_. But more talkative than that, obviously) he turned to his best-friend-slash-rival, Sasuke Uchiha.

"Sasuke-bastard", he started. "I think (according to the book) that you have very serious cases of the following: _Ailurophobia_, _Chaetophobia_, _Mycophobia,_ _Dutchphobia_, _Chromophobia_ _-"_

"Idiot."

"Naruto, what do those _mean_? You know we don't know!"

"Fear of cats-from the missions, when were Genin, remember? Sasuke would never touch that damn cat!"

"Because it stunk like an open sewer."

"Suuuure. Anyway, the next one is fear of hair; because, well, look at his!"

"Hn."

"Hey, I like Sasuke-kun's hair!"

"I know, I just saw you running your fingers through it all, '_oooh, Sasuke'_."

"Aa."

"Oh, shut up."

"_As I was saying_, fear of hair._ Mycophobia _is the fear of mushrooms."

"Mushrooms?"

"Yeah, bastard, are you deaf? M-u-s-h-r-o-o-m-s."

"Hey! No fighting in my office! Especially not on the desk!"

"It seemed okay for you and the bastard a second ago."

"Naruto!"

"Aa."

"So, fear of mushrooms because I've never seen you eat anything besides rice balls and tomatoes- oh, and Sakura-chan, I guess."

"Naruto, I am going to _kill you _if you don't _stop_ it."

"_Dutchphobia_ is pretty self-explanatory, but I don't why Sasuke-bastard would be so cruel as to hate the Dutch, who I don't think he's ever met, but _anyway_- _Chromophobia_. The fear of colors."

Sasuke felt rather uncomfortable as his teammates scrutinized (or, to break it down for the less-intelligent of the two, stared really hard) at his clothes- he refused to call it an 'outfit'- which were composed of a dark blue t-shirt with the Uchiha crest on the back, black pants, and black shoes.

"Wow. I hate to say it, but Naruto is right."

(Tomorrow, Sasuke was definitely wearing his one and only red shirt).

"I'm _always_ right, Sakura-chan."

"Wrong."

"Shut _up_, bastard."

"I _said_, NO FIGHTING."

Ah, team love. There really were no words to describe it.

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A/N: reviews make me a happy!


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